问美术馆、艺术展都该怎么逛，为什么我十分钟就看完了？

hey are directly from america
not long after an old chinese women came back to china from her v**it to her daughter in the sates,she went to a city bank to deposit the u.s.dollars her daughter give her.at the bank counter,the money was real.it mady out of patience.at last she couid not hold any uttering:“trust me,sir,and trustthe money.they are real u.s.dollars.they.are directly from america.”
汉译：
真美钞
一位**老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。he won
tommy:how ** your little brother,johnny?johnny:he ** ill in bed.he hurt himself.
tommy:that's too bad.how did that happen?johnny:we played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。i h**e h** ear in my pocket
ivan came home with a bloody nose and h** mother asked,"what happened?a kid bit me,"replied ivan.
would you recognize him if you saw him again?asked h** mother.
i'd know him any where,"said ivan."i h**e h** ear in my pocket.
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。a good boy
little robert asked h** mother for two cents."what did you do with the money i g**e you yesterday?i g**e it to a poor old woman,"he answered.
you're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."here are two cents more.but why are you so interested in the old woman?she ** the one who sells the candy.
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？“她是个卖糖果的。drunk
one day,a father and h** little son were going home.at th** age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.now,he asked,"what's the meaning of the word 'drunk',dad?well,my son,"h** father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk.
but,dad,"the boy said,"there's only one policeman!醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个**。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个**呀！hospitality
the hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.the little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.the v**itor smiled,put the cheese into h** mouth and then said:"you must h**e better eyes than your mother,sonny.where did you find the cheese?in the rat-trap,sir,"replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比**妈的好。你在**到的奶酪？“在捕鼠夹上，先生。那小男孩说。英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 adidas 的衣服去打球,一个老美看到就笑我说,"do you
know what does it mean?it means all day i dream about sex.我整天都在想着
性,缩写正好是 adidas)"我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快,联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围,他说,有一个很著名的合唱团 korn,他们的招牌歌之一就是
a.d.i.d.a.s,(all day i dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔!下次就换你去取笑老美了.
a man goes to church and starts talking to god.he says:"god,what ** a million dollars to you?and god says:"a penny",then the man says:"god,what ** a million years to you?and god says:"a second",then the man says:"god,can i h**e a penny?and god says"in a second
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:"过一秒钟.
1,two birls
teacher:here are two birds,one ** a swallow,the other ** sparrow.now who can tell us which ** which?student:i cannot point out but i know the answer.
teacher:please tell us.
student:the swallow ** beside the sparrow and the sparrow ** beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。2.the f**h net
can you tell me what f**h net ** made,ann?a lot of little holes tied together with strings."replied the little girl.
鱼网
你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。小女孩回答道。3.the new teacher
george comes from school on the first of september.
george,how did you like your new teacher?asked h** mother.
i didn\'t like her,mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.
新老师
9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？妈妈问。妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6。4.a physics examination
once in a physics examination,nick fin**hed the firstquestion very soon,while h** classmates were thinking it hard.
thequestion was:when it thunders why do we see the lighting first,then hear the thunderrolls?nick\'s answer:because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。jim’s h**tory examination
uncle:how did jim do in h** h**tory examination?mother:oh,not at all well,but there,it wasn't h** fault.they asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。